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Saying, “Yes”

January 28, 2011

Every day couples say, “Yes” to becoming parents to a child they did not carry in their womb. Here is how it plays out. They get a call or email, “Would you like to be presented to…..” They say, “Yes.” Birthmom or Birthparents look at a stack of profiles, theirs is in that stack. And then, the question that will change their lives forever, “Are they the family that she will feel is the best family to parent her child forever.” She may have ideas about what a perfect family should look like. I’ve known birthmothers looking for a family with no children, a family with lots of children, an African American family, a Caucasian family, a family with Hispanic heritage, a family that is inter-racial, a family that loves music, a family that has a strong faith, a family that is in the military, a family that loves sports… the list is endless.

Every day families say, Yes” to being presented, but the birthmom only chooses one. Sometimes you are not “the one.” What does that do to your heart? It is so easy to take it personally and ask, “What is wrong with us? Is our family too big, is our family too small, are we too religious, are we too fat, too thin? Are we too old? Too young?”

The bottom line is, there is NOTHING you can do to “be better.” You are who God created you to be as a family. And HE know exactly which child will enter your family next, and when they will arrive. HE is bigger than your family size, your income, your geographic location, your job, your skin color. HE is the God who created each of us and has written our days in His book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139)

So after walking with families through their adoptions for years now, I have a bit of advice. Pray. Trust. Lean on Him, and not on your own understanding.  I know it is hard to say yes and to not be “the one” chosen. I encourage you to do this. Say YES, and then pray. Whether you are waiting a few hours or a few days for news, PRAY. Pray for this birthmom, her family, her unborn child, and for the life changing decision she is about to make. Pray blessing over her for choosing to give life to her child, and ask the Lord to give her wisdom and mercy. For this moment in time, whether you are chosen or not, you have been given the opportunity to show this birthmom that her child is valuable and wanted. Your profile in that pile tells her that there is hope for her child’s future, and your prayers (whether she ever knows about them or not) cover her during this vulnerable time in her life.

Saying, “Yes” is hard. Hearing “No” is even harder. But if your “Yes” is coupled with prayer and surrendered to the Lord, the “No” will not hurt quite so badly. And when it is your turn for the “Yes,” you will be grateful for the “No’s,” knowing that His plan was indeed perfect.

And as for me, I’m praying for each of you who are in the midst of the “Waiting Game,” and I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that “all of the days ordained for you were written in His book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139).

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. Angela B permalink
    January 28, 2011 4:07 am

    This is BEAUTIFUL! Printing it ad sticking it in our adoption file – for when we are on that LIST! Which won’t be long at all – 🙂
    Blessings!

  2. Lisa Lee permalink
    January 28, 2011 4:11 am

    Tracie, Thank you for writing this. Hope it will help family members understand our Journey a little better.

  3. kjoyfarrell permalink
    January 28, 2011 4:25 am

    love. love. love.

  4. January 28, 2011 4:39 am

    AMEN to that!!! Saying Yes whenever, wherever, He asks us to. The reward may not be “being chosen”, but having a heart that is prepared and ready to do HIS WILL whenever we are called!! Worth so much.

    Thank the Lord our family was not “too big” 🙂 Because we LOVE that God still chooses us to have another precious child to love and teach about Him 🙂

  5. January 28, 2011 6:59 am

    I love your heart towards birth Moms! Looking forward to being in the place again~hopefully very soon~to be able to say YES to the wait!

  6. vera permalink
    January 28, 2011 3:52 pm

    Thanks Tracie, as you know that’s exactly where we are and the only way to walk through it (sanely) is to keep reminding myself that God is in control, he knows where our baby is and where each baby’s family is, and he will bring us together!
    We are presenting to our 11th birthmom today. It’s hard to keep getting the “no”s, but I only want God’s “yes” and I want each of those other 10 babies to be in the families God designed for them, even when it’s not my family!
    We are waiting for God’s “YES”

  7. Hayley permalink
    January 29, 2011 1:07 am

    Amen, Tracie!! My husband and I said ‘yes’ 21 times before we had a’yes’ spoken back to us. Each time we prayed. Each time we said ‘God knows’. And each disappointing ‘no’ was one step closer to God’s ‘yes’ for us. She is 11 days old, snoring in my arms right now. It was really hard, but we chose to be thankful and trust in our great God. I never could have dreamed how God would bless us. It was worth the wait and God knew what He had planned for us! So pray, our God knows! Thank you, Tracie, for walking this journey with us. Your wisdom and encouragement got us here today!!!

  8. Summer Sims permalink
    January 29, 2011 2:41 am

    Thank you so much for posting this! What a great encouragement for couples like us, who are just beginning this journey. Lance and I are praying for God to prepare our hearts for what He has in store for us along the way- all the no’s and the YES! that brings us to the child He has planned for our little family. Blessings, Summer

  9. November 29, 2011 12:32 am

    Amen. Thank you for this encouraging word for all of us “waiters!”

  10. Clara permalink
    November 29, 2011 1:53 am

    Thank you Tracie for your wisdom and your obedience to the LORD and for sharing this…I’m very blessed to know you and to be chosen in God’s Perfect timing and all the lessons while He’s taught me in this time and the time to come expecting our little one soon. I know God has GREAT plans for him and also for his birth mother. I know God directed us to you, and love watching what a Godly woman you are and what an example of a mother should be, no matter what. Lord bless you and your beautiful family.

    • tracieloux permalink*
      November 29, 2011 1:37 pm

      Thank you Clara. It’s been a privilege to get to know you, and walk this out with you.

  11. November 29, 2011 3:44 am

    Thank you for this reminder of truth, Tracie. So grateful! I especially love what you said about being given a birthmom the opportunity to show her that her child is wanted and valuable. Beautiful!

    I know you’re crazy busy, but posts like this make all the difference. Can you post more thoughts like this for waiting families?

    • tracieloux permalink*
      November 29, 2011 1:36 pm

      I will work on that Katie! Thanks for encouraging me to do so.

  12. thehungryone permalink
    November 29, 2011 1:16 pm

    Beautiful!

  13. July 30, 2013 4:54 pm

    You’ve said it so well. It doesn’t make it easy; but praying during the waiting does make it manageable, realizing that you are making a difference in the lives of so many who wouldn’t have had such a prayer covering otherwise. God won’t allow you to take the wrong child nor will He permit you to miss the right one.

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  1. Waiting « The Spirit of Adoption

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